2005 Features

2005-06 Television Pilots – An incomplete list of television shows proposed for the television season.

Trick question: what time is A Christmas Story on?As the Christmas season descends across the country, there’s one thing that’s certain – from Christmas Eve night to 24 hours later on Christmas day, either TNT or TBS will devote an entire programming day to airing the movie A Christmas Story (1983).

Just four, that’s it – no moreIn recent weeks, I’ve made a startling discovery – something so explosive that it threatens the entire fabric of the entertainment industry. That something? There are really only four types of sitcoms on television. That’s it.

A legendary storyIn 1954 a book was released which still has a cult following along with scores of movie directors trying to adapt it to the big screen. Though the general public might not have ever read (or heard of) Richard Matheson’s (The Twilight Zone, Somewhere in Time, Duel) book I Am Legend, they no doubt have felt the effects of I Am Legend on modern horror through the years.

Go tell these movies to the marinesOn November 6, Universal Pictures will release Jarhead. Directed by Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition), Jarhead is based on Anthony Swooford’s book on his experiences as a Marine through boot camp, to Kuwait and eventually taking part in the first Gulf War.

Carl Kolchak is the father of modern TVAs this year’s Emmy Awards drew to a close one thing became apparent; the American television audience is really into a drama about a group of plane-crash survivors stranded on a desert island. Not only did the series Lost win seven Emmy awards but also, and probably more importantly, its second season opened with a whopping 23 million viewers, an all-time high for the year-old drama.

The House/Holmes ConnectionHow best to describe Gregory House, M.D. (Hugh Laurie) the central character of the Fox television series House, M.D.? He’s a doctor who’s loud, crass and rude, more likely to berate a patient for not telling the truth than to visit their bedside. He’s nearly friendless, antisocial, and a recognized genius in the medical field.

Americanization, syndications, and the art of making money on TV Question: why do Hollywood television producers “Americanize” (recast with American actors and rewrite with American tastes in mind) British television shows?

The Ultimate Comic BookI am a collector of comic books. Though I might not be a person who spends hundreds of dollars a week buying every title released, and believe me those people exist, I do, on occasion, enjoy spending money on “the funny pages.”

My date to the nerd promFor the last decade, I’ve had the opportunity to attend the “nerd prom” aka Wizard World Chicago aka The Chicago Comic Book Convention. Although Wizard World Chicago might only be the second largest nerd prom in the country (the “king” of the nerd proms is held in San Diego), there are still many sites to see and things to do at Wizard World Chicago.

Fall from the inside of a movie theater As summer slowly burns the green grass of Indiana yellow, it’s time to look ahead to the slate of movies due in theaters this fall. Generally, summer is a time for movies designed to lure the crowds into theaters (read mindless fun) whereas fall movies tend to be a bit more adult oriented (read “Oscar contention”).

I remember a Fantastic Four movie that wasn’t all that fantastic.I’ve seen the Fantastic Four movie, but probably not the one you’re thinking of. Sometime in the early 1990’s, a Fantastic Four movie was shot and never released ­ a rarity in an industry that will do almost anything to recoup an investment. The movie was promoted in specialty magazines, and fans waited for a release date that would never come, wondering whether they’d ever get to see this movie.

Six degrees of “Can’t Hardly Wait”The other night I was flipping through the television landscape when I came across one movie I have an affinity for, 1998’s Can’t Hardly Wait. Can’t Hardly Wait is set at a high school graduation party where teens that wouldn’t usually get together do. There’s the jocks, the white kids pretending to be gangsta’ rappers, goths, preppies, etc. The main crux of the plot comes from character Preston Meyers (Ethan Embry) finally deciding to ask his high school crush (Jennifer Love Hewitt) out on a date. What I found most interesting about the movie were all of the actors who would go on to bigger and better things after Can’t Hardly Wait.

Witches, zombies and Martians… My movie going dreams are fulfilled.The summer movie season is in full swing with bonafide hits such as Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith and misses like xXx: State of the Union stinking up movie screens nationwide. (Yeah, they both stunk up the screens, but Revenge of the Sith made a lot more money stinking up the screen than xXx did.)

The Summer Blockbusters of Yesteryear – The summer movie season as hordes of teens descend on a theater near you to stuff studio coffers with their parent’s hard earned cash. Whereas kids today flock to Star Wars: Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith or Batman Begins (and know practically every line before it even opens), kids of yesteryear flocked to their own movie megaplexes to see their own blockbusters. Other than the beast that is the Star Wars movie franchise, what are the top grossing summer movies of the last twenty-five years?

Next TV season, it’s not all Desperate Lost HousewivesSpring is “do or die” time for new television shows. It’s the time when cable channels and networks pick which new shows will air on television screens next fall and which will suffer a fate worse than death ­ availability only on bootleg Internet download sites frequented by television geeks.

The Revenge of the Duies ­ The second annual Duie awards. – About this time last year I introduced Fort Wayne to the Duie awards. The Duie, or better known as the Duies, are an attempt to give out awards in lesser-known categories of moviemaking. For example, last year Uma Thurman won the “Best use of a tracksuit in a non track and field movie,” while the award for “Movie aided by Alan Alda in a starring role” once again went unclaimed.

When it comes to Brit television, you don’t know what you’re missing – When you watch as much television as I do, you sort of come to the realization that the current American television schedule isn’t enough. It’s not that American shows are boring or uninteresting, it’s just that in a given week there’s not nearly enough good shows to fill a viewers’ busy schedule. Of course, if you’re into shows like The Apprentice, Celebrity Dog Makeover or Celebrity Dog Apprentice then maybe there is enough television for you. But if you’re like me and shun reality TV, then you may be lacking things to watch.

Where have you gone, my Calvin & Hobbes? – It’s hard to believe, but the last day of 2005 will mark the ten-year anniversary of the publication of the last Calvin & Hobbes newspaper strip. Let that sink in a minute. Next December will be ten years missing Calvin, Hobbes, his mother and father, Spaceman Spiff, Tracer Bullet, Stupendous Man, et all.

It’s not the TV series; it’s where you look. – Late last year here at Dangerous Universe, I talked about two of the best television shows on TV right now – ABC’s Lost and UPN’s Veronica Mars. However, these two shows aren’t the only good episodic series currently being aired on TV. There are a few other options for